How Atariology Became the Dominant Religion
OCTOBER 23, 2005 - Manifesto Night - 120
Atariology manifestos written in English and French are posted in
downtown Geneva, Switzerland. The Manifesto states the beliefs of
followers of Atariology.
2007 - The Church of
Atariology posts the offical Atariology web-page. JJ Walker, the
Founder of Atariology, finances the struggling religion on his
own.
October 2009 - JJ Walker gives a series of interviews with Larry King, Jay Leno, and Jimmy
Kimmel. In the Jimmy Kimmel interview, JJ Walker appears to have had a spectacularly bad hair day.
The embarrassment becomes a source of endless speculation in the tabloids and mimicry on YouTube.
February 2010 - Britney
Spears converts to Atariology. Her conversion inspires Madonna to
convert from Kabbalah to Atariology as well.
October 2010 - Victoria Beckham converts to
Atariology. The web-media sites compare Atariology to
Scientology, albeit favorably. The Church of Atariology becomes
iconic, controversial, and the new religion of the stars.
June 2010 - Newsweek publishes the first in a series of well-received articles
about JJ Walker and Atariology.
December 2010 - Atari sues the Church of Atariology for copyright infringement.
October 2011 - The Church of Atariology publishes the first volume of the
New York Times Best-Seller, 'How Atariology Became the Dominant Religion'.
April 2012 - The American-British journalist, Chistopher Hitchens, releases his criticism of
Atariology in a book called How Atariology Sold Out.
June 2012 - The Church of Atariology settles with Atari Corporation, and purchases
the company in order to develop a perfect simulation.
October 2012 - The Church of Atariology publishes the second volume of
'How Atariology Became the Dominant Religion'.
2015 - The second cold war ends in a grand chess match between Gary Kasparov and a lifelike
simulation of Bobby Fischer, developed by the Church of Atariology. The US concedes that Bobby Fischer
was indeed a jerk
2020 - 'Release Day' - the 1st of December each year - becomes the first
legally recognized Atariology holiday. It celebrates the annual winter birth of
new games and game consoles. Arcades become popular again.
2021 - After nearing bankruptcy in pursuit of a perfect simulation, The Church of Atariology
finally releases the first 'near'-perfect simulation called 'Bicycle'. The game is a critical hit.
2500 - After numerous splinters, wars, political
intrigue, and long bouts of financial uncertainty, the number of
members in the Church of Atariology exceeds 3 billion. This
number consists of ~40% of the earth's human population (excluding
Monsanto-label children). Buddhists, Muslims, and Christians make up the rest of the majority.
Hinduism dies out by 2400 AD, thanks to mass conversions of Hindus to a mystical form of
Atariology known as 'Karmology'.